CARD:  4 of SWORDS (reversed) – Needing a break

No rest for the weary

Fatigued. That has been my constant state of being the last few months. Running one thing over and over and over in my brain and I’m tired.

I refuse to let it go, I refuse to let it rest. 

Only in the last few days have I come to realize that all of the circles I’m running haven’t done anything but wind me up. Or rather down.

I let my mind have it’s way, thinking I’m being thorough, going over every possibility to be ready. God help me if I get caught out and off guard. 

What I’m not doing is allowing myself to be right here, right now (…watching the world wake up from history… I could not resist).

I’m robbing myself of experiencing the oh so good and oh so bad and oh so everything. I go to the past, I go to the future, I skip right over the present.

Why am I stealing this from myself? I’m the fucking victim and the damn thief.

Saturday night was May’s new moon. New moons are time to plant seeds of intention—physically, mentally, or energetically.

What do I need to grow? Power, the power to give myself breathing room between me and the past and the future. To generously give myself the gift of being.

Of course the power will serve me in other ways, but right now I need to be.

I wrote that seedling on a slip of paper using a pencil. I used orgasmic energy to charge it up. I went outside, dug a hole under a tree, and planted it in the earth. It’s storming here right now, watering my intention.

What do you need to plant? Be oh so good, oh so sweet, oh so generous with yourself.